D से दिल्ली

I leave for the States in less than a week — to pursue my second degree, a master’s in computer science at the University of California San Diego. The first one was a bachelor’s in biochemical engineering and biotechnology, from the Indian Institute of Technology, Delhi. Sounds like quite a dramatic shift, but it’s not quite as it seems, and this blog uncovers how that happened, and so much more — about how I, a boy who had just turned 18, moved to the national capital and made it my home. I decided to start off with the pretext of me leaving to pursue another degree, and I do that for a specific reason. I can’t help but compare the stark difference between my approach and mentality right now, to what it was four years ago when I was leaving for Delhi. The last time around, I had spent the major part of two years preparing for an entrance exam, and I would be lying if I said I hadn’t enjoyed that journey. But nevertheless it was a taxing process that had left its toll on me. In the two odd months that were there between the examination and the start of my undergrad, I had to make the “all important decision” of deciding the university where I would pursue my bachelor’s. The rank I secured afforded me choice — a great place to be in, on paper. What came with that was a seemingly difficult and involved process of talking to people — strangers — students who had gone through this process in the past few years. This was new to me. There weren’t any major decisions that needed to be taken before this one, and even if there were, they were probably taken by my parents (pursuing science was my choice and not enforced upon me by my parents). I’m going to have to get into some specifics right now, and I do that for reasons that will become apparent soon enough. I had hour long discussions with strangers — let’s use a fancy term called “networking” for that — a phrase whose importance has become relevant to me only over the past few months. The one thing that came out strongly was that I had to choose an IIT, there seemed to be a big fuss around that. ­­­ Nevertheless, I was getting different courses in different colleges and I narrowed down my choices (in descending order of preference) to IIT Delhi, IIT Gandhinagar (electrical engineering) — an institute that was on the rise and has only gone on to do better over the last four years, and (computer science) IIIT Delhi (note the extra I). This was starting to become an exciting proposition, and to give the other two colleges a fair chance, my father and I decided to visit the IIT Gandhinagar and IIIT Delhi campuses to gauge what lay in store. The director of IIT-GN had been the M.Tech advisor of my father back in his academic days, and this connection meant that he took the extra effort to show us around — for now there was a chance that he could end up teaching both, the father-son duo. It was with him, in Gandhinagar, that I had the most life changing discussion. Once he had played his cards of why IIT-GN is the place to be, he said the most fascinating thing that has stayed with me ever since. “There is no right or wrong decision. You take a decision, and you make it right!”, he said. That was a simple statement, but the impact it has had on me has been tremendous. I came back to Pune, my hometown, after visiting those two campuses. I weighed the different factors and decided to choose IIT Delhi. Given that I had been in a secluded environment, preparing for an exam, I felt I wanted to be in a city that allowed me to explore the other dimensions of life, and Delhi, I felt, provided just the right platform. I had taken the decision, no one had done that for me. I felt safe and assured and knew that going ahead I couldn’t and wouldn’t blame anyone for having made that choice for me. Now it was time to make it right. 

The iconic symbol

Support system — if you have one in place, it’s hard to realize its importance. Fortunately for me, I have had a great support system and I did realize its importance eventually. I started this piece by explaining how historically, I was given the license to choose the college of my liking. True, my parents and extended family did help me connect to students, and they voiced their opinions that were scripts of experience, but never did anyone tell me what to do exactly. It’s a big deal, if you think of it. I didn’t see it this way back then, but I do now. And this support did not stop there. I was relaxed in the days leading up to the D-Day — the moment I finally shifted to Delhi. What happened after that is exactly what happens to a Manchester United fan — tears every week (and to add to that I’m a Man Utd fan)! My parents had accompanied me to Delhi for the orientations that were lined up in the first week. I still remember the day they were leaving. They were staying in a hotel nearby while I resided in the hostel accommodation. I called them up that morning and asked them to rush to college. They came to find me sitting in the park right across my hostel. No sooner did we make eye contact, I let loose. Tears came down in the bulk. Seeing her child cry a mother can’t hold back — I learned this that day. While she joined the proceedings too, I was surprised to see my father look at me and smile. He was putting up a brave face — he knew he had to be strong for the family. That calmed me, and her. But now that I look back, that must have been one of the hardest moments for him, and yet he smiled. He, and my mother, never fail to amaze me. “This is the happiest moment of my life because I am crying when y’all are leaving me”, I stammered.

Trying hard to avoid crying — first semester, 2015

I stayed away from home with two strangers in a triple sharing room, with another four hundred inmates in a hostel, as we collectively walked to college to find another eight hundred new students from different backgrounds, interests and tastes, and varied aspirations — I knew no-one before hand! I was an introvert back then. I am an ambivert now. The journey wasn’t easy. Small-talk, the casual banter, staying up late at night was something I had never done before. Moreover I grew up in a house where I had the luxury of having a single room and maids who would come and clean up after me, everyday. Cleanliness was a necessity, not a want. The first few weeks in the hostel and I would sweep the room everyday. People weren’t allowed to enter my room unless they had removed their shoes outside. Lights on my side of the room would be turned off by 11PM. Such “rules” would naturally not go unheard. Everyone heard of them and some joked about it behind my back. That is hard for a sensitive person — I was sensitive, I had come to realize. To add to this I spent hours each day studying — this was not a common thing as you would imagine. The IITs offered an option of changing your department at the end of the first year based on your academic performance. I was eager to try my hand at it. I would sit on my bed, use the table that I had brought with me from Pune, and study. This came at the expense of me missing out on events or not socializing with people in the hostel-wing. People of course took notice and I naturally didn’t make a lot of friends. It was fine I said, or rather I cried over the phone as my parents heard me on the other side, everyday. It’s for a larger cause I told myself — I would study hard and get a department change and it would all be worth it. Not that I was finding academics easy — it was here that a course called Engineering Drawing made itself heard. There were two one-hour examinations between the semester, and I was blank  for those two hours. I walked out of the hall on both those occasions, dialed home and cried. In the end, I passed the course by a small margin. My parents had visited me twice during those four months, and I had made a trip home too. This was hard. I lost weight in the bulk and became weaker than ever before. But as the first semester ended and we moved into the second semester, things became a bit more relaxed. I had stopped cleaning my room, people could enter as is, slept a bit late, spoke to people more than before, and started exploring Delhi. I don’t know how that change happened but it did and I feel it was a matter of time more than anything else. But sadly I couldn’t find the balance between academics and other activities. I still studied hard, and spent hours with books but when the first year ended I did not secure that department change. It wasn’t that my grades were bad, but they weren’t where they needed to be. On the other hand, people who had been involved in a number of extra-curricular activities throughout first year had managed to make the cut. One part of studying in college is about working hard, but the more important part is about working smart. That was what I learned, for good.

The table, and me

The first year in an engineering college is common for all students, and it’s only in the second year that students are segregated into the departments that they chose one year back. I began the second year as the joint topper of my class — as I said my grades weren’t bad, they just weren’t where they needed to be. Within the first few weeks I was introduced to the concept of internships that students pursued at the end of the second year, preferably outside India. It is one thing that universities abroad are well recognised (more so as compared to the IITs) but the primary reason that students try to secure roles in these places is to travel, is what I figured out on discussing with my seniors. This was a new concept — travelling. I had been to places across India and had even travelled to Europe recently, but it had always been with my parents. I was too small back then and didn’t have any recollection of these trips as such. But this struck me. My immediate target became to secure an internship across the borders, even though I still hadn’t really figured out my passion. Everyone I spoke to made me realize that being ranked first in the department brought with it many opportunities such as scholarships and structured programs that made securing internships all the more easier. This resonated with me and I knew I had to continue to work hard, and to start working smart, to maintain my academic performance. Coursework in the department and across the other branches in IIT seemed nice initially, but very soon one realizes it’s a lot about self-study. Reading off power-point-presentations, sometimes in a half-hearted voice, was how professors greeted us in many courses. It took my interest away more than making me like the field. But that being said, there were courses, and rather professors who made me want to go to class. I can’t not mention his name here — Prof. Aditya Mittal taught me a class on Introductory Biology in the third semester. There were five-hundred odd students apart from me in that class. He addressed the 500-seater hall without a microphone — imagine the power his voice had, and the enthusiasm he came with.  Classes were at 8AM, thrice a week, and attendance in his class wasn’t compulsory, but I do not remember missing a single class. He explained concepts by giving them a twist of his own. It is people like him, and a few others that made classes fun, rather than just-about-bearable. It was in this third semester, where I coupled my new found interest of photography with travelling. A few friends from hostel and I, made a trip to Rishikesh at the end of the first year (given that I had started to socialize). This time around, we went for a trek to Triund, near Dharamshala in Himachal Pradesh. One of my roommates was an ardent fan of photography and some of his passion was transferred to me. The next month I was in Jaipur for a day trip, exploring monuments by the hour. Being in the capital, I was exposed to plenty of new lifestyles and there was lots to explore. Given that I was staying independently, I had the freedom to do so as well. I did inform my parents about my decisions and whereabouts but it was they who made this possible. They could have put restrictions on me and prevented me from being me, but they didn’t. It seems a trivial and obvious thing to do, but in retrospect I know of many incidents where my friends weren’t allowed to do something or were asked a thousand questions beforehand, but that was never the case with me, and I can only be thankful for that. This was a semester where there was a balance — I explored different avenues of me and focused on academics — I topped my department that semester. That was the last time I would ever be first in my class, things changed, I changed — as is the cycle of life.

Triund, 2016

It was complacency that probably got to me and changed my attitude in the fourth semester. I don’t remember working particularly hard during those four months. I would leave work for the last minute and struggle during those hours desperately trying to make up for lost time. This was also the time when I got involved in a relationship. It lasted a little more than eleven months — evenly(?) divided between emotional stability and instability — not to mention the post break-up challenges that I faced given that I was so emotionally invested during those eleven months. But for what it’s worth, it was one of the most important phases of my life — lessons that will only serve to guide me in the future.

Internship supervisor in Taiwan

In the span of that year, I did secure that internship I had been trying to get over the past few months. A laboratory in Taiwan, working in a field that goes by the name of bioinformatics — an intersection of biology and computer science. Given that my father is a software engineer, I had had sufficient exposure during my growing up years to develop a liking for the field of computer science. And now that I was majoring in a biology related field, it made perfect sense to pursue this. Apart from the initial homesickness, the major challenge I faced in Taiwan was lack of food. Um, actually lack of vegetarian food. An island in the Pacific Ocean, Taiwan and the Taiwanese are known for their sea-food. It was here that I was introduced to the concept of cooking food for oneself. It was hard and irritating initially. It’s amazing how we take our routines in India for granted. The moment we’re back from work, college, or just about anywhere, we’re so used to finding food ready at our homes — after your mother or cook has toiled in sweat and blood. But in this scenario, I came home to nothing. To no-one. That took some doing, and a major mentality shift. Eventually over the next 7 months, I had mastered the art. I say seven months because the internship in Taiwan was followed by an exchange program in Vancouver, Canada where I studied for a semester. To be honest, “studied” would be a major lie. It was one thing that our grades wouldn’t be counted as long as we passed the course, but the main reason why I couldn’t focus there was that the emotionally unstable part of my relationship kick started while I was there. I couldn’t handle it myself, and I needed help. So far any major struggle that I had faced in my life had been solved with the help of my family, and I saw no solution to this current problem than to contact them. Naturally, I was scared. I was about to tell my family about the one secret that I had been harbouring for the past few months. But I had to, I needed help. To my surprise they took it in an extremely positive manner. They made me understand that this was normal for a relationship and that things do get complicated. Daily, I would talk to my father, telling him about my fears and insecurities — and he simply listened. This was unbelievable, but it was helping me. It was only later that I found out what that had put my family through. As I said, it takes time to realize the importance of your support system. But that’s only part of the story of what the exchange semester was for me. This was the first time I was in a university, not a college. There were 65,000 students on campus. The first day I attended, it felt like a fair — not that I had been to one, but like the ones I had seen in movies. In the first week, I remember, I had to buy a book from the campus store and the billing line had more people than the strength of the largest classroom at IIT. This was all overwhelming — I tend to let the situation take control of me more often than not. Digressing from the university and academics, it was in Vancouver that I experienced the Fall season for the first time — that colors other than green existed. I made friends from different nationalities, and not just different cities, as we travelled together. It was here that I experienced snowfall for the first time, and I took part in a slam-poetry competition for the first time! I was learning to enjoy life despite having ongoing personal issues — that was the lesson, to live in the moment. 

Vancouver Fall, 2017

I was back in India, in January, for the sixth semester. Third year was drawing to a close. No sooner was I back to Delhi, than we broke up, and that kick started the recovery phase. Academically, I was fourth in my class now. It did bother me a bit, but I knew I had to focus on my work more than anything else and things would take care of themselves. I did a few interesting courses that semester that helped keep my spirits up. But more importantly, I had friends who helped me start seeing the positive in me once again! Delhi, for me, has always been about the people. Of course it’s a great city to live in with wonderful heritage. One can explore its culture alone, but company always makes things better, and I had that — another support system in place. Apart from the monuments, Delhi boasts of a wide plethora of cuisines from across the world — I grew fond of visiting pretty cafes since the second year and that tradition has carried on ever since, no matter where I am. On one occasion, while I was in Taiwan, as I was walking along the road I spotted a pretty cafe. I walked in and the lack of vegetarian food meant that I couldn’t dine there, but I used Google Translate and requested the owner to let me spend sometime to just appreciate the ambience — that’s how much I adore cute, fancy decors. Traditionally, I have always gone to these places with friends who’ve now become family. Recently, after I finished my undergrad and was back home, in Pune, I realized how much I missed college — about how the transition from hostel life to home is harder than the transition from home to hostel life. It was on this occasion that my friend made me realize where I was going wrong in my thinking. “If you were at the same place, in your happy place, you would never grow. Now you’re out of your comfort zone, and that’s great!” This was another exceptional thing about undergrad — meeting people with different thought processes, mind-sets, ideologies! People are pursuing such diverse things that it’s almost surprising to think that we’ve spent four years together in the same place. Everyone evolves in a different way through a different experience, but they all evolve, and watching this people around them grow! Chain reaction is at its best in colleges, at least it was in mine!

At the end of my third year, I went back to Vancouver to pursue an internship at the Genome Sciences Center that worked to provide personalized treatment to cancer patients. I had written a detailed account of that experience last year, but I’ll still talk about some parts of it here. Those two months were some of the most productive months of my undergrad degree. I was staying alone and working in a team that had no-one remotely close to my age. I travelled alone, I read in my free time (there was a lot of free time), and I enjoyed the independence and solitude. I had a software engineering role in the company — skills I hadn’t learned beforehand. They had hired me because they felt I could cope up with the requirements that the role demanded. I learned stuff while on the job, and it felt satisfying as there was direct relevance and application to the industry today. But the confidence was missing. I wanted to have a basic technical skill set to back up the potential and capabilities I possessed. It was here that I realized the need to pursue a master’s degree to fill the gap. I see myself working in a similar firm going ahead — a firm that offers solutions to alleviate problems of the society. And it is this experience that I recollect whenever I am perplexed about why I decided to do a master’s in the first place. And it helps, always!

Nesc outside the library

I’ve come to the time where I’m about to enter fourth year and I’ve realized I haven’t described the daily routine, the places on campus that are dear to me, or anything else that is so called “insti” related. But at the same time, there couldn’t be a better time to describe those things than in the 7^th semester. I had gone away on exchange exactly a year back and that meant I had extra coursework to complete — third year courses needed to be completed in fourth year. The maximum permissible coursework that one can pursue in a semester at IIT is 28 credits. Generally, three credits corresponds to one course. In the seventh semester, I did 32.5 credits. Fortunately, another student in my department had gone for the exchange program and I had her for company to get through the immense work that lay ahead of us. To top of this academic work, we had to give the Graduate Record Examination (GRE) — a test whose score is a prerequisite to apply for graduate studies abroad, and we also had to write an essay for our master’s applications. There couldn’t possibly be more on my plate! It was in those four months that I realized the importance of time-management.  Each course and task was designated a time slot and there was immense importance to complete it within its allotted duration. If not, it would be left as is, and I learned a lesson and improved in the next iteration. Plans were made for the week, and micromanaged for each day. Classes and laboratories would go on from 8AM till 5PM, and no sooner were they over, than my friend and I rushed to the library. We would study for an hour, take a break — have coffee, at the Nescafe store that was on the ground floor of the library, as we took a walk around the insti area, crossing WindT (Wind Tunnel) and completed a round circle. Some more time in the library, a trip to the hostel for dinner, back to the library — this was what we did on weekdays. Weekends meant no classes and hence more time in the library! Our days began in the study arena at 8AM and a similar cycle continued. That was for 14 weeks. At night, after a long day at work, I would often spend time near the Biotech Lawns — the garden near my department. There was a rustic sitting place there and I would often sit there for hours with a friend of mine. There was a pleasant breeze at night helping me calm down. On other days, I would go out for dinner to nearby cafes or just for a walk down the road. There was enough in Delhi to live a balanced life, and I was living one. That was the most satisfying time of my undergrad life — both of us did well academically and eventually secured admission into good universities in the US. Planning, and hard work does pay off.  

 

Golden Temple, Amritsar

During that hectic, yet immensely productive semester, I would keep telling myself that once the semester ends, I would travel across India. The 8^th semester started and I was away. I covered the Taj, Agra and its pethas; Mall road in Mussorie after a hike in the Garhwal Himalaya ranges; Jodhpur and its makkhaniya lassi; Mandsaur in Madhya Pradesh and their opium farms; and finally the Golden Temple in Amritsar. The groups I travelled with were small, the people were family and the experiences will be treasured. In the December that had just gone by, all my friends who had sat for placements had been recruited in top-notch firms with mouth-watering salaries. And come the beginning of March, the results of the master’s applications started pouring in. On one hand, everyone sensed the imminent arrival of the time we would depart, but on the other hand we were busy celebrating each other’s successes. Farewell parties became an every-week affair, and people started dieting and cutting down on calories to look good for photo shoots that were scheduled in the first week of May. IIT Delhi has another tradition that goes by the name of House Day — a hostel farewell for the passing out batch. Historically, the out-going batch makes a video. I had never been involved in the hostel activities, and most of my close friends, barring a few, were in the department or from other hostels. I wasn’t on bad terms with anyone, but there were more acquaintances than friends in the hostel. That being said, there were inmates who I considered close to me and I would go about doing to them what Sheldon does to Penny — Knock Knock Penny, Knock Knock Penny, Knock Knock Penny — as I spent hours in their rooms having the most bizarre discussions and hogging on their regional delicacies. But as the days to the House Day approached and no one had taken any real initiative to make the video, a group of acquaintances and I, sat out one night to plan out what we felt would be right. Gradually I was becoming involved, and this was two weeks before college ended. We spent the next 4 days working on small aspects of the video, discussing, bonding, and more importantly enjoying. They became friends. I don’t know what got to me and why and how I managed to be an integral part of that team that managed it all, but I did, and I am proud of that. Proud that I could be the director of a video to make a group of 50 people act, and produce something so magical. It’s these soft skills that matter going ahead, it’s about how you connect to people — about how you can manage a group. Everyone can eventually learn certain technical skills if they spend a good amount of time on it, but people skills — that’s another ball game, and I got a flavour of that.  

Last shot of the video

Finally the house day arrived, and there hadn’t been a better day in hostel life. The wings were decorated with fairy lights, there were paintings made on the walls, rooms were cleaned, friends invited from the other hostels and colleges of Delhi, and there was the other obvious stuff that makes a party, A PARTY! Most, if not all, of the work had been done by our batch and what a job they did! I remember dancing all night, telling people what they mean to me, dancing little more — bollywood songs, old classical songs, people singing — haven’t felt that good in a while now! I remember being awake all night, only to go for breakfast to the Chaayos near the hostel with two of my closest friends — and there was a time I would turn off the lights at 11PM. As the days to leave campus neared, my room was(n’t) a sight to see. I had finally fallen prey to the true hostel culture. There was a chair with my clothes piled up, dust on the walls, and garbage lined up against the wall. The days of sweeping were long behind me. Finally, we had the department farewell, and my friend forced me to recite one of my works. In the past three years, during all the lectures, he would tell professors about my writing and would encourage me to perform in class, and yet every time I resisted. Finally, I gave in and decided to perform on the farewell. I’m thankful to him for having forced me, for I decided to write a new poem about my IIT life — and that brought with it small, yet important memories. I performed in front of them, in the Red Square, across Amul — in front of my classmates, my friends, my family..

Hostel wing, House Day 2019

How do I end this piece when I didn’t want college to end in the first place? This is the place where I cried for the first time for something other than an injury and dissatisfaction with what was cooked at home. Where I cared for people like they were my own. The institute that harnessed my potential by giving me opportunities to study and work outside. Where I recognised my interests and turned them into hobbies. The place where I grew with every conversation that I took part in. Where summers and winters were more extreme than I had ever experienced before. The city, the metro, and its people, that I began to adore. Where I evolved into the person I am today, because of the decision I took four years ago — a decision I made right, for that is what needed to be done! 

Favorite place on campus!

Four years ago, there was an excitement that greeted me as the days to go to Delhi neared. Now that I look back in retrospect, I didn’t know what to expect when I went to college, about how hostel life would be; how I would deal with staying away from home. All this never crossed my mind. Before leaving, I recall, someone asked me if I would miss my parents. I had a wide smile on my face as I bluntly said, “No”. And it was this lack of expectation or unawareness of what lay ahead that helped me stay relaxed prior to D-Day. It’s all different now that I’m about to leave for San Diego. There are expectations I have of me. There are fears of “what-ifs”. There is a nervousness of staying with strangers and the anxiety of things not working out. This transition, the fear that harbours my mind and the “what-ifs” of failure are a direct consequence of how I lived the last four years. But there is also an excitement that I’m going to start something new. There is a determination to work hard, harder than before. An inquisitiveness to learn for it’s the learning that has to never stop — one of the biggest lessons I learned during the last four years. Delhi gave me opportunities, life made them into experiences, and I learned lessons from them. The US education system has a different timeline and that provided me with a four month break after I finished my undergrad. A long break and an inefficient version of me in action meant that I had an idle mind for large chunks of it, and that brought with it fears and insecurities. In these four months I have questioned myself multiple times about the decision to head to the US for a master’s against the seemingly comfortable choice of staying back in India with friends and family. Fortunately I have had the support of the very same people who I would miss dearly and have the fear of losing out on — they made me realize why I had chosen to do a master’s in the first place. They told me that I had taken the decision, and now I have to make it right!